Ardern says she made a deliberate decision not to harden or reshape her persona when she entered Parliament at the age of 28. But she also assumed “that would mean I wouldn’t rise,” she says. She had made peace with the idea that authenticity might be incompatible with ambition.

Over time, however, she discovered that the traits she had once thought were a liability were, in fact, a profound asset.

Her emotional intelligence helped her speak with people, not just at them. Her authenticity built trust. Her sensitivity, she discovered, wasn’t a weakness but a filter. “If you’ve made a decision and an affected group feels wronged by it, that actually is the kind of thing you should hear,” she explains. “You should try and depersonalize it, but you should hear it.” Resilience, for her, wasn’t about thick skin; it was about selective permeability. And it was Ardern’s self-awareness—and disinterest in power for its own sake—that finally helped her determine when she’d had enough and it was time to step away.

Ardern’s rise feels emblematic of a generational shift: She is part of a cohort of younger female politicians who no longer feel the need to wrap themselves in the traditional costumes of authority—whether literal or symbolic.

Like Ardern, US congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez speaks plainly and directly to the people she represents—not in the distant, polished cadence of political speech but like a human being talking to other human beings. She answers questions, admits when she’s wrong, and explains what she’s doing in real time on social media. That openness is a source of her power, not a softening of it. Former prime minister of Finland Sanna Marin projected a similar accessibility—dancing at music festivals, yes, but also speaking with a kind of calm assurance that didn’t require posturing.

In many ways, the old model of dominance as power was a game women were rarely set up to win. From a young age, boys are taught to compete—on the field, in the classroom, in casual boasting. Girls, by contrast, are taught to collaborate. To be warm, approachable, and well-liked. And when you’ve spent your life trying not to intimidate people, power through dominance can feel not just foreign but fundamentally wrong.

And the truth is the old model doesn’t fit most men either. As Ardern puts it, “In the last 30 years, we’ve seen greater diversity in who holds leadership positions. But what we also need to see is a greater diversity in the leadership traits we value.” She points to the recently elected Canadian prime minister Mark Carney and the recently reelected Australian prime minister Anthony Albanese, both of whom referenced kindness in their victory-night speeches. Of course, this shift toward a more humane style of leadership has unfolded alongside the rise of strongman figures like Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Xi Jinping. But Ardern cautions against assuming this is what voters truly want.