And so, without further ado, here’s (literally) every thought I had while catching up:

1. God, I want to be in a pool right now.
2. Ironically, the only reason I’m not in a pool right now is because I’m recapping this show.
3. Aw, Lola Tung looks so pretty!
4. The idea of finding your soulmate in college sounds nothing but claustrophobic to me.
5. Which blond brother is this, again?
6. I remember thinking my dorm room was gigantic, but this one looks small as hell, which makes me think mine was also tiny.
7. Actually, I just slept in a dorm for my tenth college reunion (I’m old), and I feel like it seems a lot more exciting to sleep on a twin XL when you’re Belly’s age.
8. True-crime podcasts: the ultimate friend of the empty-nester.
9. Oop, Conrad mention!
10. Damn, Steven moves fast.
11. Aw, I miss Alicia Silverstone.
12. Oh shit, Belly and Jeffremiah (or whatever this kid’s name is) are doing it?
13. Granted, I’m not super up-to-date on past seasons, but I do think it’s cool when teen dramas acknowledge that most teens do actually…have sex.
14. Why is this college called Finch?
15. This kid’s tan and blond hair are really making me think of a grilled cheese sandwich.
16. Unfortunately, he also looks like a lacrosse guy from my high school who sucked so bad that sometimes I still think about him and hope he’s having a bad day.
17. Hey, there’s Conrad!
18. At least this one doesn’t look like a clammy food item stacked on a table at a frat party.
19. I can’t say I love his little bang swoop, though.
20. Aw, I like his therapist!
21. Belly, you are correct to hate this boy’s frat.
22. Hey, while we’re here, has everyone seen The Hunting Ground?
23. Or read Know My Name by Chanel Miller?
24. I don’t really care about Steven’s job, TBH.
25. I do care about his illicit hookup with Taylor, however.
26. Belly’s going to Paris!
27. Likely place for a college student to study abroad.
28. Jeremiah’s not graduating?
29. Leave this man in your dust, Belly!
30. I mean, I’m sorry, I know he’s grieving, but still.
31. You are too cute to be comforting a blond man in a rugby shirt about his bad grades, Belly!
32. Oh, I thought Steven just had a very femme eye for interior decor, but he’s asleep in Taylor’s room.
33. Which is in a sorority house, natch.
34. Steven really is the best-looking man on this show.
35. I have to agree with Taylor that there’s no real substantive difference between a sorority and a Princeton eating club.
36. Peach bike shorts? Bold, Taylor.
37. I do understand the female urge to put sunscreen on your foolhardy boyfriend, but let him handle that shit himself, Belly!
38. Taylor’s rush chair? Go off, queen.
39. Inevitable-Chappell Roan-needle-drop time.
40. I know it seems like I’m just needlessly picking on Jeremiah, but I really, truly hate his going-out shirt.
41. LOL, I do love what a committed stoner Jeremiah is (even though Belly doesn’t).
42. God, poor Mia.
43. Aw, I’m glad Conrad and Jeremiah are talking (sort of).
44. I, too, love Taylor with a smoky eye.
45. Is Belly’s dress Reformation? I like.
46. Yay! Paris!
47. God, even watching a frat party unfold onscreen makes me nauseous.
48. You know, when Conrad recounts the story of his love triangle to this rando girl, it does sound kind of insane.
49. Almost like…the premise for a teen soap!
50. I’m having real Catcher in the Rye feels about all these defenseless teen girls standing around binge-drinking.
51. OMG, Jeremiah cheated on Belly?
52. KILL THIS MAN!
53. JK.
54. But at least key his car!
55. Gather all these women at the party to claw his eyes out!
56. Oh, not the “We were on a break” defense!
57. Ross Geller beat you to it, babe.
58. Oh no, Belly puked.
59. We love a slow-motion run, don’t we, folks?