I’ve been awaiting the Season 2 premiere of Hulu’s Nine Perfect Strangers with as much anticipation as someone who…did not finish the first season possibly can (sorry, I had too much reality TV to catch up on! I can’t do it all, OK?). Still, I think I get the gist of the show: Nicole Kidman! Liane Moriarty adaptation! Mystery! Intrigue! Nicole Kidman again!

Well, I happen to think that as someone largely unfamiliar with the goings-on of Season 1, I can offer a unique critical perspective on the show. So, please find literally all the thoughts I had about the return—or, in my case, beginning—of Nine Perfect Strangers:

1. Well, these are some soothing opening credits!
2. Run, brunette girl! Run!
3. Oh, that’s very much Shailene Woodley.
4. Wait, no! It’s not!
5. I guess I’m…not good at recognizing celebrities, whether they’re on TV or in line behind me at Erewhon.
6. That, however, is most definitely Melissa McCarthy.
7. I like her in thick-framed glasses!
8. “Stopped living” is a very unique way to say “died,” but I guess it’s accurate?
9. God, Nicole Kidman’s locks are sooooo flowing.
10. She looks like me when I got a long, fake ponytail for a story.
11. Okay, fine, one could argue that she looks slightly better than me when I got a long, fake ponytail for a story.
12. Bobby Cannavale is so babygirl.
13. The truth really has a way of coming out in a yurt, doesn’t it?
14. “Who the fuck is happy with their life?” LOL.
15. Nicole Kidman really can do any accent she sets her beautiful Australian mind to, huh?
16. Whoever did Samara Weaving’s HMU on this show deserves at least one Emmy.
17. “There’s only so much surrendering I can do” is very The White Lotus.
18. In fact, I’m definitely not the first to note this, but this whole show kind of wants Mike White’s nachos.
19. You really do have to “seek out the wonderful,” to be fair.
20. Hey, it’s Ben Falcone! Melissa McCarthy’s real-life husband!
21. God, I love them.
22. Also loving the Bobby v. Melissa tension.
23. I just went back and watched that video of Melissa McCarthy improvising a freakout in a Judd Apatow movie, and I need her to be canonized immediately.
24. Uh-oh, Nicole Kidman’s getting threats.
25. Every time a character on a TV show doesn’t call the police, an anti-carceral angel gets its wings.
26. I want to be swimming in that beautiful ice blue pool with Nicole Kidman.
27. I do not want to be digging a giant hole with the rest of the crew, though.
28. “Pre-Industrial man, he didn’t get depressed because he was too busy working.” Okay, Soviet Tony Soprano!
29. I also do not want to lie down in a ditch I just dug, for the record.
30. I’m pleased to report that I may or may not own the same adventure hat Bobby is wearing.
31. God, face needles! Yes, they bring about beauty, but at what cost?
32. Currently taking a leave of absence to heal my depression about the fact that my house doesn’t open directly onto a private pool, BRB.
33. It’s crazy that Samara Weaving (Nicole Kidman’s Australian countrywoman!) is doing an American accent on this show, although she is good at it.
34. Seeing your own death and being amazed that “someone so young and pretty died like that” is kind of iconic, I must admit.
35. Red lipstick in a pool, Melissa? Bold.
36. Casually name-dropping Alan Cumming on a nature hike, Regina Hall? Also bold.
37. OMG, Melissa is choking on a grape and Bobby saves her!
38. Oh, LOL, he also caused the choking by tossing the grape in her mouth.
39. Okay, so this probably isn’t a moment for healing.
40. Actually, spoke too soon! They’re talking about sex in a reasonably friendly way!
41. You could not pay me enough to do a trust fall at this point in my life.
42. This whole cliffside thing is stressing me out!
43. Melissa describing herself as a “menopausal heap” is a bummer, to me.
44. I do like Nicole Kidman’s “car with an empty gas tank” metaphor, and identify with it deeply.
45. We do need a moratorium on TV writers using kintsugi as a metaphor, I fear.
46. “I think I may need a Four Seasons and a couple of Bellinis.” Well, exactly, Melissa!
47. Okay, this season’s “particularly volatile group” may have hooked me. Time to hit play on Episode 2.