It feels like just yesterday that Carrie Bradshaw was footloose (by which I mean: financially loose when it came to buying footwear), fancy-free, and single. But on this season of And Just Like That…, she seems determined to make an extremely weird and nonsensical relationship arrangement with Aidan work, and I’m just as determined to criticize it obsessively despite the fact that these are fictional characters who cannot hear my desperate pleas for normalcy. Episode 3 of And Just Like That…’s third season is upon us, and below, find literally every thought I had about it:

1. Love how much screen time Shoe the cat is getting this season!
2. Why isn’t Amy Sedaris back as Carrie’s book agent?
3. Oh, right, she was Carrie’s book publisher.
4. Carrie in Austin for SXSW? Look out, South Congress!
5. Oh, LOL, she’s going to Virginia to be near Aidan.
6. Good Lord, woman. You’re in your 50s! Date someone who’s allowed to be in the same state as you, or whatever!
7. Anthony’s hot-bread-guys business is really a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.
8. “Is body negativity back?” Well, yes!
9. Carrie, you are also too old to get your friends to catsit for free. Pay a teen! Or that cute 20-something jewelry designer you’re friends with!
10. Charlotte’s a momfluencer now?
11. OMG, Aidan’s wife (a.k.a. Midge from Mad Men, a.k.a. Rosemarie DeWitt, my biggest crush of all time) is calling Carrie?
12. She looks so good in glasses!
13. LOL, she needs Carrie to bring their son Adderall?
14. Hey, why not conscript your ex-husband’s long-distance GF to traffic stimulants across state lines?
15. How in the know is Carrie, exactly, if she doesn’t know about that one shady doctor on Court Street who will prescribe pretty much whatever you want?
16. I mean, I’ve heard.
17. I find it hard to believe that any high-powered New York mom would part with her child’s precious focus meds, but Charlotte does have a way of getting things done.
18. Lisa’s bob is bobbing this episode!
19. I love Charlotte’s art-world girlypops and their ridiculous hats.
20. We all have that one boomer or boomer-adjacent colleague who dispenses Advil from their purse for our hangovers, and they are an irreplaceable part of the office ecosystem.
21. So Carrie’s hot landscaper has a key, but Aidan doesn’t? Sounds like a solid relationship!
22. This season’s Carrie/Aidan mishegoss is making me tear out my hair in frustration.
23. I feel like Miranda watching Bi Bingo!
24. Ooh, Miranda asked out Joy the BBC producer! Sort of!
25. Not Carrie lecturing Miranda for “playing games” when she’s essentially playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly with the man who’s supposed to be her life partner.
26. Loving Rock’s little sailor look!
27. Anthony’s Italian BF is invited over for dinner but Lily’s little ballet boy isn’t? Rude!
28. I, personally, would love to see Harry Goldenblatt at da club.
29. Surely the kids (the gay ones, at least) still get Fame references, right?
30. “A gay 90 is a straight 70.” Tea, Seema’s weird old boss!
31. Please, God, let Seema’s next love-interest storyline not include this generic-ass symmetrical white man she works with.
32. Harry and Carrie is a combination I’d like to see more of!
33. Carrie and Seema in Virginia, however…nah.
34. Ooh, I like the idea of Seema and Adam, the hot landscaper!
35. VOGUE.COM SHOUTOUT!
36. I’m canonically part of this show now.
37. Carrie, I’ll catsit Shoe! Or sell you Adderall!
38. Just kidding, FBI.
39. Damn, Lisa, mash those potatoes!
40. Sorry, I took a break to google “potato masher best one which” and missed whatever Lisa and her husband are talking about.
41. Virginia with “heart-healthy” food? What’s even the point?
42. Gay men really catching strays on this episode.
43. And now, over to lesbians! Hi, Miranda and Joy!
44. I need to rewatch Doll & Em.
45. Ooh, hot vibes between these two. Finally, an appropriate queer paramour for Miranda!
46. Not that I don’t miss Che Diaz with every fiber of my being, mind you.
47. God, I really am aging, because the sound of an art-world afterparty no longer sounds sexy or fun; it just sounds expensive and tiring and like I’d have to feign familiarity with a lot of nouns I’d never heard before.
48. A little dignity for Harry, please! He deserves better than getting trapped in his skinny jeans!
49. He pissed himself?!?
50. After four drinks?
51. Amateur hour, babe. Even in Japanese denim.
52. NEED Seema’s snakeskin pajamas.
53. “Maybe stop feeling his dick through his pants and just have a conversation.” Good advice from Charlotte!
54. God, blond guys who collect art are so cursed.
55. Not that I’ve ever met one IRL, but I’m not enjoying the look of this one onscreen.
56. Oh, sweet Char, you’ll learn tomorrow that chugging espresso martinis to keep up with zoomers is a fool’s errand.
57. Watching Charlotte York dance drunkenly at a club is giving me delightful flashbacks to that original SATC episode where she…dances drunkenly at a club.
58. Time is a flat circle.
59. Babe, you are a mother of two! Do NOT do cocaine!
60. Test it, at least!
61. Okay, phew, she didn’t.
62. Ew, ugly blond art guy kissed Charlotte!
63. Non-consensually, I might add!
64. Kill all men, FR.
65. Carrie asking “Why am I here?”…amazing question, babe!
66. LOL, Carrie’s license has been expired since 2017 because she travels with a passport. Same, in fact!
67. Aw, Giuseppe wore the slutty Hot Fellas denim uniform for Anthony.
68. Why is Carrie using Waze instead of Google Maps? Mistake! Always a mistake! I will die on this hill! And this isn’t spon-con, because they’re both owned by Google or Palantir or Darth Vader or whatever!
69. Charlotte worsening her hungover headache with her own high-pitched “Yay” is so peak York-Goldenblatt.
70. I wish all these car-related mistakes Carrie and Seema are making weren’t so richly familiar to me.
71. Ask me about the time me and my friend Natalie put diesel in a gas car we’d borrowed (in our defense, though, we were 18).
72. Okay, so Carrie can stay the night now?
73. But she wasn’t proactively invited?
74. WHAT IS THIS RELATIONSHIP?
75. I swear to God, I got more direct communication from the drummers I “dated” back in my “straight” era.
76. Aidan didn’t tell his sons Carrie was coming?!?
77. I am going to kill this man.
78. Also, as the formerly unstable child of divorced parents who both dated after their split…your kid will be fine with you having a girlfriend, Aidan, if you just stop being so weird about it!
79. Now that I think of it, why did Kathy have to ask Carrie for the ’rall instead of Aidan?
80. Carrie’s writing her bad fiction again 🙂
81. I’m sorry, is she in a guest room?
82. AIDAN SHAW, YOU WILL BEGIN TO COUGH IN THREE DAYS.