Inspirational thought of the week:

Well, as I grew, indeed I rambled
Out along the open road
There I learned the rainbow circle
It’s truly said that’s a sign of storm

Now I’m old, my dreams they wander
Far away in yesterday
I’m going home to the Merrimack county
And find the grass that hides my grave

— “Merrimack County,” Tom Rush

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, currently located beside a roulette table in Tahoe, where we’re waiting on a callback from Coach Corso seeing as how he posted a perfect record in his final “College GameDay” picks and seeing as how he’s free this Saturday so maybe he might help us out, we are sifting through an old road atlas trying to locate Merrimack College.

Why? Because during college football’s opening weekend, the Warriors (located in North Andover, Massachusetts) went and upset the Bottom 10 cosmic balance like Thanos snapping his fingers, or Atlas shrugging, or whatever it was that Lex Luthor was doing with that weird army of tweeting monkeys in the latest “Superman” movie.

If you missed it — and if you did, shame on you and it’s time to rethink your priorities — the Warriors were on the cusp of handing State of Kent its 22nd consecutive loss. Then the realest thing happened. As in Da’Realyst Clark, he of the 100-yard kick return.

DA’REALYST CLARK TO THE HOUSE!!! KENT STATE MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/GiJiy3KXWY

— Mr Matthew CFB (@MrMatthew_CFB) August 30, 2025

The Golden Flash in the Pan’s first win in more than 700 days. The two-time defending and reigning Bottom 10 champions suddenly with a “1” in the “W” column. And it’s just Week 1. At this pace we will be out of breath and in a ditch on the side of the road before the end of September. Likely covered in loose pages from last year’s Kent State football media guide.

With apologies to Oklahoma tight end Carson Kent, Tennessee Vols hero Joey Kent, MLB Rolaids Relief Pitcher of the Year runner-up Kent Tekulve and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 1 Bottom 10 rankings.

The Amherst Amblers are back in a familiar spot after losing to Bottom 10 Waiting Listers Temple of Doom 42-10. Let’s call it a homecoming. And not just because they have returned to #MACtion, but because they are scheduled as the homecoming opponent for four different teams this year. I don’t want to tell the UMass sports marketing department how to do its job, but shouldn’t it sell a florist sponsorship and have the team wear corsages?

The Bearkats kan’t klaim they kohabited in our preseason rankings, but konsidering they are the only 0-2 team in the kountry, konsequently we kurrently have them inkluded.

I hate to stop the celebration of the big win by moving the Flashes up “only” two spots, but reminder: I had to search high and low to find out about the team that lost to them.

The bad news? UCLA and its new former Vols QB lost to former Pac-12 foes Utah 43-10. The good news? Their TV ratings in Tennessee were the highest for a SoCal team since Lane Kiffin’s first game at USC. Sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that Knoxville Walmarts sold out of Windex because of, quote, “All of the nacho cheese and Jack Daniel’s thrown at TVs when UCLA had the ball.”

The Coveted Fifth Spot is Bottom 10 holy ground. When you walk into this room, you do so by strolling past papier-mâché busts of Randy Edsall and Jeremy Pruitt. If you’ve ever been to the Alabama football facility, then you know that when Kalen DeBoer goes to work, he walks past the giant bronze heads of Wallace Wade, Bear Bryant, Gene Stallings and Nick Saban. I wonder, after you lose to Florida State 31-17: Do those busts make scary faces and sing spooky songs like the ones on the Haunted Mansion ride?

In ancient Rome, they would bring in bears to attack convicted criminals on the floor of the Colosseum. Last week it was a group of Bears that was mauled 73-13 by a bunch of Trojans.

The Owls of South Florida traveled to play the Eastern Seaboard Terrapins, where they were chomped 39-7. Now they host the Florida A&M Rattlers, before games with the Panthers, Tigers, other Owls and Dragons. I am assuming this is all part of a Nat Geo documentary soon to be streaming on Disney+.

September means #MACtion Paycheck Season. See: the Cards, who are receiving gift cards of $1.2 million and $1.3 million from Purdue and Auburn, respectively, for their first two games. Judging from their 31-0 loss to the Boilermakers, that should be just about enough to cover the cost of ibuprofen and bandages.

The Niners scored 11 points in their opening loss to Appalachian State, setting up our first and unlikeliest Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year, against …

When I was a kid growing up in the 1980s, Duke and NC State fans would put bumper stickers on their cars with the Carolina Blue footprint logo, the one with the black circle on the heel and the words “It ain’t Tar.” I once saw one of those stickers on a DeLorean. So was that actually a message from the future? From Doc Brown or Mack Brown?

Waiting list: Akronmonious, Southern Missed, Kennesaw Mountain Landis State, Muddled Tennessee, no Coach Corso.