Nay, sir. Tis nothing to Gump about on the West-Central Alabama front; there is seriousness afoot. Over the top we must go, leaping through the mouth of madness and descending into the gullet of hell.

I’m not sure which one you nimble readers said it in jest on Sunday, but they made a quip about “Players-only meeting incoming.”

Well, that was certainly fast: September 2nd, and we’re already to one, with players calling themselves out and the team trying to regroup.

I’m not sure about you, but to my mind that is a howling red flag. It is the season-opener. You worked nine months for this. You claimed the goal was a national title. Allegedly, you bought in. You purport to be focused, to have leaders in the locker room…and then a third of the team doesn’t show up.

It’s not just one game where this has happened — nor is it the only players-only meeting that Alabama has held in just 14 games of the DeBoer tenure. Where are the adults? Where is the agency? Where is the accountability?

I don’t see much of it anywhere, no matter what Wommack or DeBoer say.

Can that change? Yes. But as Matt Hinton wrote in SDS, this team keeps showing us who they are. At some point, we have to believe them:

…Revisit Alabama’s torpid, 31-17 loss at Florida State with fresh eyes, and you’ll see exactly the same thing you saw the first time: A team in ongoing, undeniable decline.

Because, let’s be real here, the collective reaction to watching Bama getting bullied, again, by yet another unranked, double-digit underdog with no juice whatsoever prior to kickoff, was not just about 1 game. Bama fans were not gritting their teeth, rending their garments and flipping off cameras over a disappointing nonconference loss, or its implications on the Tide’s Playoff odds in 2025, or for Ty Simpson’s outlook as QB1, or whatever. They were staring reality in the face. Post-Saban, this is just … who they are now under Kalen DeBoer.

I think fans can handle not being the team. Alabama has not been the team for years. What they cannot handle is irrelevance, waste, decrepitude, and lack of seriousness. They cannot handle being just a team.

There is a phenomenon floating around popular culture these days of “toxic positivity,” where decision-makers get stuck in a bubble of sycophants, toadies, like-minded hangers on, and the like. All they will see or hear is to keep steady, hold the course. Negative emotions and critical eyes are to be avoided — the belief that criticism is from the uninformed or from “haters.” Then time and after time, these ventures face plant. But the same people do it again, and again, and again for the exact same reasons.

I fear that is where this staff is at.

I’ve heard nothing from them to indicate they understand how incredibly pissed off the rank and file are. This fanbase is as angry as we’ve seen it in decades. We know why: resources are being wasted, the talent isn’t being developed, the team isn’t showing up, and the staff do not apprehend that just 20 months into their tenure this is a hair-on-fire moment and that every game is coaching for their jobs. Either it is ignorance of that anger, or it is the intentional disregard of it.

In either case, it is toxic positivity and kills programs every bit as much as it dooms bad movies and terrible games. DeBoer would do well to channel one-tenth of that fire into this loafing bunch of mentally soft and physically overwhelmed underachievers. He can begin with himself and the staff that he assembled, and the collective failures that he owns.

Wake up: You’re going to get fired. It’s that simple. Alabama fans want to like you, but they will not tolerate “Grinned into mediocrity by a shittier, Aw Shucks-Mark Richt” being scrawled upon the tombstone of this program.

Not that it much matters, but Alabama is still ranked, albeit barely in both the AP and Coaches Poll. What is notable about this “achievement” is it’s the lowest one-game drop in the AP Poll where a team has remained ranked after the fall.

FSU debuted at No. 19. No clue if they stay there. The lines played very well for the Noles. For the Tide’s sake, let’s hope that Norvell hit on his every-other-year-mercenaries panning out.

For my part, I’d settle on them treating each snap in practice, every rep in the gym, as a do-or-die moment with their career on the line. Well over half of this team is making at least six figures, and with grown up salaries, come grown up responsibilities and demands. They demanded professionalization, therefore they have to show professionalism and be prepared for the repercussions of their failures.

Like everyone else does…because it’s a job.

This kind of message isn’t exactly instill confidence, however:

After practice Sunday, and as the Crimson Tide prepares for its home opener against ULM, all DeBoer wants to see from his roster is one that cuts loose, one that goes and plays, one that blocks out noise. He wants his players to “enjoy and love the game and play it the way it’s meant to be played.”

“That was my message yesterday, is don’t overthink this,” DeBoer said. “Just go out there and ball out. They know what they’re doing, they need to trust and believe in their training, trust and believe in the reps and all the things, walkthroughs, all that they’ve done, all the work they’ve put in, and go out and reap the rewards from it. Go have fun doing it. Don’t overthink this, just go out and play, do what you love to do.”

They need to be thinking. Alabama cost itself a chance at the game because they were “balling out,” and a stupid penalty on Smith after Alabama secured a stop, trailing 24-17, wound up deciding the game.

Claim ownership of this group, DeBoer. JFC. “Go have fun” is a pee wee message. “Go do your job” is the one they need to hear.

Even Mark Ingram wants this staff to rip them a new poop chute.

And this talk of “not reaching the standard” is wearing a bit thin. No one is left on this roster that won a title under Saban. They haven’t a clue what the standard actually is or what kind of work goes into attaining it. So when Cuevas (who is a legitimate baller, and ought to be one of the guys able to claim scalps in the locker room), says “there’s no reason to call out lack of effort,” your heart visibly sinks.

Fifth-year player senior tight end Josh Cuevas was asked about both of those topics on Tuesday during his media availability. Did the players discuss the lack of effort from Saturday?

“No. No reason to call it out. Because we know that we lose, it’s not up to the standard. We’re expected to win,” Cuevas said. “If we don’t win, then something is on us. That’s just kind of we call it, we’re watching film every day – damn near every hour of the day, so it’s just something we need to work on and realize ourselves. There’s no reason to call it out when we know we did something wrong.”

It’s not going to change, is it? They don’t even want to hear what they did wrong or take ownership of the team and call it out in others.

There’s that toxic positivity again.

Worse, it doesn’t even square with what Qua said yesterday — that the defense was “scared to mess up.” Huh? This is a very experienced defense. There’s not a single reason earth for them to not know their assignments or to not be flying to the ball.

And if they were that hesitant about screwing up, then that’s a coaching problem of the highest order: it means were not ready for the looks they saw on Saturday or were uncertain of their assignments. And that’s on Wommack, their position coaches, and ultimately the man making $11 million to ensure they know their responsibilities.

But, hey, at least the program is making money, right?

From revoking tickets based upon suspected reselling, and setting up its own scalping side hustle where you can get reseated no less, to slapping sponsorships on Saban Field, there’s not a bar too low, a penny too remote where this program won’t go.

The University of Alabama announced a significant partnership with the US Navy’s Maritime Industrial Base program to expand workforce development opportunities across the state. With that, there will be new on-field advertisement inside Bryant-Denny Stadium.

“This partnership allows The University of Alabama to connect our students and communities with high-demand careers that serve both (the state’s) economy and our nation’s security,” Peter Mohler, president of The University of Alabama, said in a statement. “Our role as the state’s flagship institution helps create pathways that strengthen industries vital to our future. Build Giants Alabama provides opportunities for Alabama residents to prepare for meaningful careers while contributing to the defense of our nation.”

I have no problem with the Navy ad, if we must have such grotesqueries. There is an entire generation of bereft, social media addicts desperate for purpose as they doomscroll themselves into morbid obesity and mental health collapse on our journey into Idiocracy.

The military has always been a backstop against such rudderless despair of young men without answers. So, game on and anchors away.

Welp, that’s about it for Anti-Gump Day. I can’t help that all the news out of Tuscaloosa has been infuriating. I’m just the messenger today.

However, we shall end with one bright spot — perhaps the coaches are finally getting pissed off enough to demand something out of the players.

Cuevas said the practice went “pretty well” and was “very detail-oriented,” while adding, “A lot of coaches fed up. But that’s kind of how it’s going to be for the rest of the season.”

By fed up, what did Cuevas mean?

“They’re always pretty vocal when it comes to practices and details and stuff, but given the circumstances, we’re working harder at that. It’s just something they’re emphasizing,” he said. “[They’re] just frustrated not necessarily with certain players or the team, just how things ended up. You can tell the whole process of practice today was definitely on another level.”

No word on whether the staff will turn that frustration inward to interrogate their own performance.

We’ll be back with Giving Away Money in a bit.
Have a good morning and Roll Tide.