There’s only one week to go until the series finale of The Summer I Turned Pretty, and I, for one, am ready to fight loyally and to the death in the Conrad Fisher Wars.

Do I actually want Belly with either Fisher brother? No! (Benito, the crush she met in Paris, is both hot and does not orginate from that cursed-ass family.) But given that I have, in fact, seen episodic television before, I’m pretty sure it’s all about the love triangle, and I have to lend my support to the side of said triangle that isn’t an overly tanned, useless frat boy.

Without further ado, find absolutely every thought I had about The Summer I Turned Pretty Season 3, Episode 10, below:

1. Thanksgiving in Paris! Belly’s life rocks, all of a sudden.
2. Babe, learn from my mistakes; do not try to cook an authentic Thanksgiving meal for French people because they don’t care.
3. Wow, someone really needs the new AirPods that simultaneously translate into different languages, huh?
4. Aw, honey, you’re not weak! But yes, you are kind of bad at French.
5. I remember being so homesick during my semester abroad in Russia that I Google Earth-ed pictures of my mom’s house to make myself feel better, so I feel her.
6. Zoom school in France? Zut alors!
7. Expecting yourself to learn/change/become a new person during a stint abroad is such a fallacy. Just have a good time!
8. I just rediscovered my own study-abroad blog, which I wish I could show to Belly to make her understand that it’s okay to be depressed in a different country.
9. One could even argue it’s chic!
10. Taylor and Steven are so cute 🙂
11. Who are all these women who keep sleeping with Jeremiah?
12. Love yourself, ladies! Stop expending sexual energy on that overly blond loser!
13. Jere’s dad bringing him Champagne from The Wedding That Wasn’t is so rough, even for this mean-ass man.
14. “Not everything is about money, Dad.” Spoken like a rich boy!
15. I actually don’t disagree with the decision to cut him off, TBH.
16. Denise letting Jeremiah stay with her is some crazy work.
17. Does anyone ever say no to this kid (besides his dad)?
18. Conrad’s hair is…not what I want it to be right now.
19. I mean, depression grooming is real, but why are his bangs in his eyes?
20. I find it hard to believe that today’s kids are getting all emo looking at Polaroids and not IG dumps, but whatever.
21. Wow, Conrad’s idea of Belly’s Parisian life rocks.
22. Do they have Sour Patch Kids in Paris? Why don’t I know this?
23. Aw, I remember listening to Christmas music and getting all depressed about missing the American holiday season while I was abroad! Glad to know it’s a universal experience.
24. I love the idea of a romance for Belly that involves neither Fisher boy.
25. “What am I going to hold on to?” “Me?” Oh, it is so on.
26. Steven yelling “Mom, I’m starving, when’s dinner?” is giving me a Pavlovian-response need to scream back “WHEN YOU START COOKING, BITCH!”
27. Okay, can we abolish the concept of going back to work on January 2? Everyone’s still hungover from New Year’s!
28. Connie really is such a saddo, I can’t help but love him.
29. Someone should buy me a red Jeep like Jeremiah’s, IMO. I’m a much better person than him!
30. Or a pink one, ideally.
31. Cut the daddy-issues-influenced negative self-talk, Jere, there’s nothing wrong with cutting onions for a living!
32. Then again, capitalism makes self-haters of us all.
33. Jeremiah is literally only attractive to me in glasses and a hoodie, when he looks like a The Ultimatum: Queer Love cast member.
34. “Fuck other people holding power over you.” Exactly, Denise!
35. Loving this French remix of “Last Christmas.”
36. Hey, Taylor’s in Paris!
37. In a beret with zero regard for cliché, obviously.
38. You know what, she’s pulling it off.
39. Oh, I love Belly and Taylor’s sparkly going-out tops and dresses.
40. This is what makes us girls!
41. Ugh, Jere, why are you calling Belly? Leave that girl alone!
42. I will not put up with this escargot slander! Yes, it sounds gross if you think about what it is, but it just tastes like butter!
43. Benito or bust!
44. Belly needs to release herself from shame and guilt, but luckily, she has Taylor there telling her exactly that.
45. A bestie is a thing that can be so important.
46. YES, Belly! Not only is your French improving, but you’re having sex with a non-Fisher!
47. We absolutely love to see it.
48. Best of luck calling a French super for emergency repairs, my sweet Bellissima.
49. A yearlong psych program at the Sorbonne? And pronouncing “Sorbonne” correctly? Go off, girl!
50. Love Laurel’s hands-off approach to her daughter’s Parisian defection. It does a girl good to roam.
51. I wish I had somebody around to remind me to wash my bras.
52. I love a Susannah flashback.
53. I also love that even child-Belly was absolutely strung out over the Fisher boys.
54. Time to switch it up now, though, queen!
55. I need two brothers to be at absolute odds over me, stat.
56. NOT CONRAD FLYING TO (OR NEAR) PARIS!
57. And an emotionally significant haircut for Belly?
58. This finale needs to be available for streaming yesterday.