Let’s dig in and rehash every single thought I had about it, shall we?

1. It’s nice to know that no boomer in the entire world can work technology, regardless of national identity.
2. If my man proposes to me on a zip line, I’m saying no.
3. Okay, this girl (Mavi, for those not watching along with me) lived despite…falling off a rock and zip-lining against her will? Phew.
4. The proposal didn’t happen, though.
5. Is this a Peloton commercial, or…
6. I wish I spoke German.
7. Unfortunately, the summer I spent nannying in Berlin really only taught me how to say, “How much is a doner kebab?.”
8. Aw, 10 days in Istanbul! That sounds a lot better than zip-lining.
9. This guy’s eyes are so blue I’m 80% sure he’s AI.
10. Aw, her family’s from Turkey! So this is a heritage trip in addition to a proposal trip. We love.
11. “Mom, read my article”—this one goes in the file of things I text my own mother daily.
12. I guess it’s not my mom’s fault that I famously have a lot of thoughts.
13. Ooh, drama brewing!
14. God, I want to be in Istanbul right now, instead of hungover on my couch during the era of rapid American decline.
15. I keep thinking I speak Turkish and then sadly remembering I’m reading subtitles.
16. Okay, secret royal history!
17. The Princess Diaries vibes in the extreme.
18. Mavi’s newfound grandmother is truly serving. That cape!
19. Aw, Mavi’s finally getting une grosse familie!
20. Okay, that doesn’t sound so great, but it’s German for “a big family” and actually quite sweet.
21. I don’t care about this business subplot.
22. Is it wrong that I expected the bath to be bigger in this luxury hotel?
23. Oh, wait, I think there’s a Jacuzzi.
24. I’m actually even more jealous of this lavish room-service breakfast than I am of the Jacuzzi (or the royalty).
25. Aw, cool gay cousin!
26. Or second cousin.
27. Or third?
28. Boat time!
29. Leading directly to club time! The perfect day-to-night, IMO.
30. I mean, I’d need a nap in between, but that’s just me.
31. I hope this isn’t the only makeover montage we’ll get in this movie, but it is a pretty good one.
32. I’m not sure I’m really following the ongoing drama being set out here.
33. Maybe I should learn German and/or Turkish.
34. Oh no, Boyfriend-slash-wannabe-Fiancé has to go back to Germany for work 🙁
35. Mavi’s red dress really slays.
36. Who’s this hot, bearded guy who’s suddenly popped up?
37. I love that Mavi’s blond friend’s only job is to do various forms of exercise in her apartment and answer Mavi’s frantic FaceTimes.
38. Aw, Mavi’s impressing her grandmother 🙂
39. Man, this slicked-back-haired helicopter-owning guy is a dick (likely thing for him to be).
40. Yay, blond friend is in Instanbul!
41. Sightseeing montage!
42. Ugh, the fact that I am not at a hammam right now is so painful.
43. Oh no, the paparazzi are reporting that Mavi was stepping out as part of “the hot new couple in high society,” and not with Blue-Eyed Boyfriend.
44. He’s chill about it, though.
45. Oy vey, the grandmother is trying to buy off Blue-Eyed Boyfriend to not marry Mavi?
46. Well, if you’re going to have a big fight with your intended and be heartbroken, you might as well do it in Cappadocia.
47. “I’m meant for hotels and sparkling drinks!” Tea, Edo.
48. That line felt spiritually linked to Laura Dern snarling “I will not not be rich” on Big Little Lies, and I loved it.
49. Handsome beard guy (Kent) is making a move on Mavi in a hot-air balloon, which…okay, well, now you’re trapped in the air together, so that’s awkward.
50. Luckily, it doesn’t work, as she reminds him she’s with Blue-Eyed Boyfriend.
51. Aw, Mavi saved the little village they came across in Cappadocia from the evil developers. (I think? Sorry, this was a subplot I didn’t do a great job explaining.)
52. Boy-fight!
53. Capped off by…no proposal.
54. And just like that, it’s time to run through Hamburg for love.
55. I love my partner very much, but if I had to literally run through the city for him…I’d be so cooked, as Gen Z puts it.
56. It worked for Mavi, though!
57. Yay!
58. Bye!